The Password Is...

Started the book tour for She's Crazy, He's a Liar in Ft. Lauderdale and was delighted at how gorgeous and nice everyone was. Really cool place with friendly, down-to-earth people and the perfect amount of glam. Ya know what's even more glamorous than East Coast beach towns? Venezuela, which is apparently where my cell phone went while I was in Florida. Let me explain. You see, apparently someone cloned my mobile phone (how, I don't know. I can't even get my iTunes to work). They figured out some kind of pin number and security code, programmed it and then off that "cloned" phone went, I suppose to shake hands with Hugo Chavez. (Side note: I heard Sean Penn give an interview where he said something like "Chavez was merely misunderstood by the U.S. media." I'd like Sean Penn to move down there for a few years or forever and then get back to me about how "misunderstood" Chavez is. Stick with "I am Sam", Sean…it suits you better.)

Anyway, so when I went to use my phone, a little automated voice came on and said "This phone is not recognized by us". (I wonder if when then cloners used it, they got a message that said "We totally recognize you. Tell Chavez hi.") A lovely stressed out medical student at the airport heard me say "What the F?" and asked if I needed to borrow his iPhone, which literally took me five minutes to dial. I told him, "Don't worry, this isn't an international call" and he, while clutching his book about the gastrointestinal system, said "I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore.")

Once I got my cell phone carrier people on the phone, they asked for my password, which of course I didn't know. So they asked my security question which was "What is your favorite hobby?" How was I supposed to remember what my favorite hobby was nine years ago when I set this thing up? Hmm, favorite hobby, favorite hobby. "Crying?," I guessed. I could hear the guy typing that into their database. "No, it's not crying," he said matter-of-factly. "Any other idea of what it might be?"

Hmm, what did I do on a regular basis that might be considered a hobby? I don't snowboard or knit or collect stamps. What is something I frequent? "Worrying?" I asked the guy. "You want me to try 'worrying' as your favorite hobby?" "Yeah, well, it's not my favorite, but it's something I do most often." He tried and it didn't work. I could tell that the stressed out medical student was getting antsy to put his phone away so I told the mobile carrier guy to let me have a few hours to try and figure out who I was in 2001 and I'd get back to him.

Turns out my early 2000s hobby was "Mai Tais", which has long since changed. However, "Mai Tais" seem to still be a favorite for whoever it was who also cloned my American Express card.

I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to email me thoughts or questions to: Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com