All of My "Duckies" In a Row

A few days ago, I found a poem I’d written (and luckily never sent) to a guy I had a crush on in junior high. It was something about “sad clowns and dark, unrequited hearts” and its rhymes (yes, it rhymed) were clearly inspired by Pink Floyd lyrics, with maybe a touch of Cyndi Lauper. I think I fancied myself a character in a John Hughes movie, (think Molly Ringwald or even Eric Stoltz) and believed that somehow - - by wearing weird, mismatched clothes and ironic “old lady hats” - - I’d land an Andrew McCarthy type.

Okay, maybe he wouldn’t pop up from behind a computer, but he’d notice me and how “different” I was and although his jock friends would want to keep us apart, he’d see how special my oversized blazers were and he’d tell them all to “go to hell”, (or something dramatic like that). But guess what? I never did get an Andrew McCarthy. I did, however, land about a hundred Duckies and as great as they are, that’s far too many.

Back in the day we had Hughes to tell us who we were. We could fit so neatly into one of his clichéd categories: the jock, the brain, the princess, the basket case, the “richie” or Duckie. But somehow I’ve gotten stuck in defining the world around me this way. I’m still begging the question, “What about prom, Blane? What about prom?” What’s sad is even Jon Cryer has moved on quite successfully, but I just can’t. In fact, because of John Hughes, I can see that my life is so off-balance. I don’t have any Ferris Buellers or Jake Ryans around me, but those 100 Duckies won’t stop calling.

I’m not sure I can ever not see the world as an 80s movie and because of these expectations, I don’t know that I’ll ever actually settle for less than a Jake Ryan. This doesn’t mean that the Duckies don’t stand a chance, but they’ll have more of a chance if they play me a Thompson Twins song on my birthday. Okay, maybe it’s time for me to move on and pattern my love life after new movies…at least ones that came out in the 90s.

To discuss the “Duckies” in your life (or anything you’d like) feel free to email me at Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com.