The following might just be an issue relating mostly to the daters of Los Angeles and New York, but I wonder if every city has something comparable? I’m just gonna get right to the point. If I go on one date with you and you then stand me up for the second date, please don’t keep my email so you can invite me to see your “actor’s showcase” at the Beverly Hills Playhouse or your weird-ass band (“The Winona Ryders?”) at some bar in East Hollywood. It’s not that - - after sharing one awkward Calamari plate - I don’t wish you all the luck and joy in the world, but if I spent five dollars to see the stand-up comedy of every on-line date that didn’t lead to something, I’d owe the bank millions.
Here’s what happened. A few years ago I went out with a guy we’ll call Morris, whom I met on Match or Nerve or Sad People.com or something like that. He was what I call “Cecily-type-cute” (blonde, impish, dimples, small teeth). He seemed lovely on paper and said that although he had a “jobby-job”, he also aspired to be a singer-songwriter. Perfect. We met at my favorite Mexican restaurant on Sunset Blvd and he was even cuter than his picture. After a few cocktails, I realized he was funny too and into the same music, movies and even MTV reality shows that I was. After what I thought was an excellent date, we made specific plans for that upcoming weekend.
But Morris never showed for that date, nor did he call to cancel. When I called him, it went straight to voicemail and after a few hours of worrying, I saw his little AOL name pop up on instant-message. Wha? I waited for him to IM me and give me any sort of excuse, but he never did. Weeks went by and still baffled, I finally received an email from him. “Good.” I thought. “He finally has the nerve to tell me he just wasn’t interested”. But when I opened the email, I was shocked to see that it wasn’t any kind of apology or explanation letter at all. The body of the email read: “Come on out and see Morris play with his new band ‘The Bong Hits’ at the Coconut Teaser. For only 12 dollars and two drinks, you can support your local musicians! Sorry, but we can’t validate your parking.” (Now the email subject header, “Come jam with Morris” made more sense). I wrote him back and asked him to please remove me from his “fan-list” and he did.
…Until last week! Yes, after years of being excused from Morris’s open mic guitar night announcements, I had the honor of being re-instated to his fan list! Had I been filed away in some sort of “stood this girl up but can probably squeeze 7 dollars from her to hear me play outside in a park” email list? I certainly hoped so. I was, unfortunately for Morris, unable to attend his latest “jam night” as I had to see the one-man show of a guy who once slipped me a roofie.
For the record, I understand that dates very often don’t work out and sometimes people just don’t “feel it”. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I need to email Morris a link to buy my book. It’s only fair. Want to discuss? Email me at: Shescrazyhesaliar@gmail.com.
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