The Kiss, Kiss List

At 18, my friend Debbie and I started a list of every guy we’d ever kissed, with a rating of any decimal between 0-5, (0 being the absolute worst and 5 being the “perfect” kiss.) Debbie, being a mature adult with a life stopped keeping this list at around the age of 22, but my list continued into my 30s. This was only kissing - - nothing more - - and although I would have liked to create an objective scientific scale, the boys were rated from our own personal perspectives.

Here are a few samples from my list:

Brian – 4.5
Chris – 4.7 (Amazing)
Blonde guy at Mardi Gras – 3.6
Rick – 0.2 (Horrid)
A-List Movie Star (name not cleared legally) – 2.5
Dark-haired guy at Mardi Gras – 2.8
Other Brian – 4.0
Barista at Starbucks – 4.2

And so on…

I put this list (which was incidentally written on one piece of yellow paper) in my little, green jewelry box and from time to time, I’d study it to figure out if I could find out just what made a kiss good or bad. Was it how much I liked the guy? No, because I actually didn’t particularly care for the Starbucks guy and he made it above the 4.0 mark. Also, one of my big loves turned out to be an awful kisser. Was it how emotionally excited I was? Couldn’t be, because I was pretty friggin excited about the “movie star” and I found him sloppy and unfocused. Was it the thickness of the lips? Maybe, although most of the great kissers tended to have thin lips (and English square jaws), so I was at a loss.

I was just about to have a breakthrough when my beagle (bless his soul!) somehow opened the jewelry box and ate the kissing-list (along with three necklaces). And just like that, with the exception of a few who I remembered, my kissing memory was erased. It’s probably for the best, as I would hate, if I ever had grandchildren, for them to find my tacky (and somewhat rude) ranking of boy’s mouths. Now I’m just embarrassed that my beagle read the list and thought less of me!

What do you think makes the perfect kiss or is it impossible to define?
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